Iggeret HaGra

I have come to ask you not to grieve at all, as you truly promised me, and not to worry. [Variant reading: as my mother, may she live, promised me; and what is there to worry about?] People travel for several years for money. They leave their wives, and they themselves wander about with nothing. I, thank G-d, am traveling to the Holy Land, which everyone longs to see, the delight of all Israel. [Variant reading: the delight of the blessed G-d; all beings above and below yearn for it.] I am traveling in peace, blessed be Hashem. You also know that I left behind my children, for whom my heart yearns, and all my precious books. I was like a stranger in another land, and I left everything behind.

It is known that this entire world is vanity, and all its pleasures are as nothing. Woe to those who pursue vanity, for it has no benefit. Do not envy wealth, for there is an evil in which wealth is kept by its owner to his harm. As he came naked from his mother's womb, so shall he return; exactly as he came, so shall he go, and what gain has he for laboring for the wind? (Ecclesiastes 5:12–15). Even if he lived a thousand years twice over (Ecclesiastes 6:6), and even if a person lives many years and rejoices in them all, he must remember the days of darkness, for they will be many; all that comes is vanity (Ecclesiastes 11:8). Of joy, what does it accomplish? (Ecclesiastes 2:2). Tomorrow you will weep over what you laugh at today. Do not envy imaginary, empty honor. Time is treacherous and is like a balance scale: it raises the light and lowers the weighty. The world resembles someone drinking salt water. It seems to him that he is quenching his thirst, but he becomes thirstier (Mivchar HaPeninim). No person dies having obtained even half of his desire (Kohelet Rabbah 1). What gain does a person have from all his labor? (Ecclesiastes 1:3). Remember those of the earlier generations who came before us. All their love, desire, and happiness have already vanished, and they face many judgments for them. What enjoyment is there for a person whose end is to go to dust, maggot, and worm? All his pleasures will turn bitter for him in the grave, and death is bound up with the human being. What is this world? All his days are anger and pain; even at night it does not allow him to sleep. Death is not expected, yet G-d will bring everything into judgment, including every utterance. Not even a casual word is lost.

Therefore I warn you to accustom yourself, as much as possible, to sit alone, because the sin of the tongue outweighs everything. As our Sages of blessed memory said (Tosefta Peah 1), among the matters whose fruits a person enjoys in this world while the principal remains for the World to Come, lashon hara is equal to them all. Why should I elaborate on this sin, which is the gravest of all transgressions? All of a person's labor is for his mouth (Ecclesiastes 6:7). Our Sages of blessed memory said that all of a person's mitzvot and Torah study are not enough to offset what comes out of his mouth. What is a person's craft in this world? He should make himself like one who is mute (Chullin 89a), and press his lips together like two millstones. All the punishment of Kaf HaKela comes through the breath of his mouth in idle words. For every empty word, he must be flung from one end of the world to the other. All this concerns unnecessary words. For forbidden words, such as lashon hara, mockery, oaths, vows, strife, and curses, especially in the synagogue and on Shabbat and festivals, one must descend very far into the depths of Gehinnom. It is impossible to estimate the suffering and distress endured for a single utterance (Zohar). Not one word is lost or left unwritten. Winged beings constantly accompany every person, never leaving him, and record every utterance: For a bird of the heavens will carry the voice, and a winged creature will report the matter (Ecclesiastes 10:20). Do not allow your mouth to bring sin upon your flesh, and do not say before the angel that it was an error; why should G-d become angry? (Ecclesiastes 5:5). Obtain everything you need through a messenger, even if it costs two or three times as much. Is Hashem's hand too short? (Numbers 11:23). The blessed G-d feeds everything from the horns of wild oxen to the eggs of lice (Avodah Zarah 3a), and gives each one what it lacks. On Shabbat and festivals, do not speak at all about matters that are not greatly necessary. Even in matters that are very necessary, be very brief, because the sanctity of Shabbat is exceedingly great. They barely permitted one to offer a greeting on Shabbat (Jerusalem Talmud, Shabbat; see also Tosafot, Shabbat 113). See how stringent they were about a single utterance. Honor Shabbat greatly, as you did in my presence, and do not economize at all, because all of a person's provisions are allotted from Rosh Hashanah through Yom Kippur except for the expenses of Shabbat and festivals (Beitzah 16a).

I have also come to ask you, very, very earnestly, with a great, powerful, and heartfelt request, to train your daughters carefully so that no curse, oath, falsehood, or quarrel leaves their mouths. Everything should be conducted only with peace, love, affection, and calm. I have several mussar books with a Yiddish translation. They should read them constantly, and all the more on the holy Shabbat, the Holy of Holies, when they should occupy themselves only with mussar books. Guide them constantly through mussar books. For a curse, oath, or falsehood, strike them and show them no leniency at all, because, Heaven forbid, a father and mother are punished severely when their children become corrupted. There is also disgrace in the World to Come: She profanes her father (Leviticus 21:9). What do we call a wicked child of a righteous person? A wicked child of a wicked person (Sanhedrin 52a). The same applies to other matters, including lashon hara and rechilut. They should neither eat nor drink without the proper blessing before and after; they should recite Birkat Hamazon and the Shema, all with concentration. Above all, Heaven forbid that they should go outside the entrance of their home. They should obey and honor you, my mother, and everyone older than they are. They should also fulfill everything written in the mussar books.

Raise your sons, may they live, along the upright path and with gentleness. Pay their tuition, keep a teacher in your home, and do not economize on his wages, because all of a person's provisions are allotted from Rosh Hashanah except for TaShRI, an acronym for Torah study, Shabbat, Rosh Chodesh, and festivals (Beitzah 16a). I have also left them books. For Hashem's sake, guide them well and gently. Always watch over their health and nourishment so that they lack nothing. Have them first learn the entire Chumash until it is almost fluent in their mouths by heart. Do not burden them; teach them only with gentleness, because learning becomes settled within a person only through composure and gentleness. Give them small coins and similar rewards.

Always keep your mind on this; everything else is vanity. A person carries nothing away from all his labor except two changes of white garments. A brother cannot redeem a man (Psalms 49:8). Do not fear when a man becomes rich, because when he dies he will not take anything with him (Psalms 49:17–18). Do not say, I will leave my children a fixed provision. Human beings resemble the grasses of the field; some blossom and others wither (Eruvin 54a). Each person is born with his mazal and under the providence of the blessed Most High G-d. They rejoice in his death while he descends to the grave. Reish Lakish left his children a kav of saffron and applied this verse to himself: They leave their wealth to others (Psalms 49:11; Gittin 47a). Woe and alas that everyone thinks about leaving wealth to the children. There is no lasting gain from sons and daughters except through their Torah and good deeds, while their provisions are allotted to them. It is also known that the reward of women is for bringing their children to study (Berakhot 17a).

Our Sages of blessed memory said (Tanna Devei Eliyahu Rabbah 9): There is no woman more worthy among women than one who carries out her husband's will. All the more so when I am writing you words of the living G-d. I am confident that you will do everything I have written. Nevertheless, I have come to warn you with a repeated warning not to alter anything that I have written. Read this letter every week, especially on Shabbat before eating and during the meal, so that no idle words, Heaven forbid, are spoken, and certainly no lashon hara or anything similar.

I ask all of you regarding what was written above that you guide your sons and daughters, principally with gentle words and mussar that settles upon the heart. This is especially important if we merit coming to Eretz Yisrael, because there one must walk very carefully in the ways of Hashem. Therefore, train them, because speech and character traits require extensive practice, and habit gains mastery over everything (Shaarei Teshuvah by Rabbeinu Yonah). All beginnings are difficult (Mekhilta, Yitro), but afterward it becomes good for him. The buyer says, Bad, bad, and after he goes away, then he boasts (Proverbs 20:14). The wicked person knows within himself that his way is evil and bitter, but it is difficult for him to separate from it. This is the whole duty of a person: he must not yield to his desire, but must restrain it with bit and bridle (Psalms 32:9). Until the day of his death, a person must discipline himself, not through fasts and self-mortification, but by restraining his mouth and his desires. This is repentance, and from it comes every fruit of the World to Come. As it is written, A mitzvah is a lamp, but the way of life is the rebuke of mussar (Proverbs 6:23). This is worth more than all the fasts and self-mortification in the world. For every single moment that a person closes his mouth, he merits the hidden light that no angel or creature can estimate (Midrash). Scripture says: Who is the person who desires life and loves days? Guard your tongue from evil and your lips from speaking deceit (Psalms 34:13–14). Through this, every sin will be atoned for him and he will be saved from the lowest Gehinnom, as it is written: One who guards his mouth, from excessive eating and drinking, and his tongue, from idle words, guards his soul from troubles (Proverbs 21:23). Death and life are in the power of the tongue (Proverbs 18:21). Woe to one who brings death upon himself because of a single utterance. The master of the tongue has no advantage (Ecclesiastes 10:11), and everything has a remedy except this. The main safeguard is not to speak about any person in praise, and certainly not in condemnation, because what business does a person have speaking about others? The mouth of strange women is a deep pit; one condemned by Hashem will fall there (Proverbs 22:14).

The principal safeguard is solitude. Heaven forbid that you go outside the entrance of your home. Even in the synagogue, stay only briefly and leave. It is better to pray at home, because in the synagogue it is impossible to avoid jealousy and hearing idle words and lashon hara. One is punished for this, as they said: Even one who hears and remains silent (Shabbat 33a). All the more on Shabbat and festivals, when people gather to talk, it is better not to pray there at all. Take care not to go to a cemetery at all. [Variant reading: the impure forces attach themselves there strongly, especially to women.] All troubles and sins come from this. It is also better that your daughter not go to the synagogue, because there she sees fine clothing, becomes envious, and discusses it at home. This leads to lashon hara and other things. Instead, cling constantly to mussar and do not envy anything in this world. It is all vanity and a work of delusion, like that which came into being in one night (Jonah 4:10). Though his height ascends to the heavens (Job 20:6), strength does not last forever, nor a crown for every generation (Proverbs 27:24). Even while it exists, it is vanity, has no substance, and is repulsive and contemptible in the eyes of every thoughtful person. Woe and alas to one who goes astray through it. Instead, be zealous for fear of Hashem (Proverbs 23:17). Do not say: How will I merit the World to Come? I am unable to do anything. Whether one does much or little, the essential thing is that the heart be directed toward Heaven (Berakhot 17a).

For Hashem's sake, set aside the one fifth as I instructed you, and do not give less than I warned you to give. With less than this, one transgresses several prohibitions and positive commandments at every moment, and it is considered as though one had denied the holy Torah, Heaven forbid.

The principal way to merit the World to Come is by guarding one's mouth. This is worth more than all the Torah and good deeds. These are called women who are at ease (Isaiah 32:9), because the mouth is the Holy of Holies.

Among my books there is a copy of Proverbs with a Yiddish translation. For Hashem's sake, they should read it every day. It is better than all other mussar books. They should also regularly read Ecclesiastes aloud to you, because it demonstrates the vanity of the affairs of this world, as should other books. Heaven forbid, however, that reading alone should be the goal, because then a person is not moved by it. Many people read mussar books and are not affected. This is because of what was mentioned above, and also because they go out without understanding. [Variant reading: because they go out among other people.] This ruins everything. It resembles one who sows without plowing; the wind carries the seed away and the birds are fed by it. This happens because he cannot restrain and fence himself in. He is like one who sows without a fence, so pigs eat the crop and trample it. Some sow upon stone. This is the stony heart, into which nothing enters at all. The stone must be struck until it shatters. Therefore I wrote that you should strike our sons if they do not listen to you, and train a child according to his way (Proverbs 22:6). The essential thing is education.

I also warn my son in law about all of this. He should read to them as stated above, and his study should be for the sake of Heaven. For Hashem's sake, he should train himself in this. He should not heed those who say that a young person does not need it, Heaven forbid. On the contrary: Train a child according to his way. The green outer husk of a nut is easy to remove. The main point is that through this he merits everything, as our Sages of blessed memory said (Pirkei Avot 6:1): Rabbi Meir says, whoever occupies himself with Torah for its own sake, and so forth; and not only that, and so forth. Study Tractate Avot, especially the chapters of Avot DeRabbi Natan, and Tractate Derech Eretz, because proper conduct preceded Torah. Honor your mother in law, and honor your elderly mother in law greatly. Conduct yourself toward every person with proper manners, gentleness, and respect.

My beloved mother, I know that you do not need my mussar, because I know that you are modest. Nevertheless, they should read this letter aloud to you, because these are words of the living G-d. I earnestly ask you, with a heartfelt request, not to grieve because of me, as you promised me. If Hashem wills it, and if I merit being in Jerusalem, the holy city, near the gate of Heaven, I will pray for you as I promised. If we merit it, we will all see one another together, if the Merciful One wills it. I have also come to ask my wife to honor my mother, as is written in the Torah. This applies especially to a widow, because causing her distress, even by the slightest gesture, is a very grave sin. I have also asked my mother that there be peace between the two of you. Each woman should gladden the other with kind words, because this is a great mitzvah for every person. A person is asked at the time of judgment: Did you treat your fellow as a king with a pleasant spirit? One must therefore treat the other as a sovereign, with pleasantness. Much of the Torah is contained in making another person happy. Even if one of you acts improperly, forgive one another and, for Hashem's sake, live in peace. I have likewise asked my mother to guide my sons and daughters with gentle words that they will accept, and to watch over them. I command my sons and daughters to honor her. No quarrel or anger should be heard among them; everything should be peaceful.

May the Master of peace grant you, my sons, my daughters, my son in law, my brothers, and all Israel life and peace.

From me, your beloved, Eliyahu, son of our teacher Rabbi Shlomo Zalman, of blessed memory.