Mourning Chapter 5

אֵלוּ דְּבָרִים שֶׁהָאָבֵל אָסוּר בָּהֶן בְּיוֹם רִאשׁוֹן מִן הַתּוֹרָה וּבִשְׁאָר יָמִים מִדִּבְרֵיהֶם. אָסוּר לְסַפֵּר. וּלְכַבֵּס. וְלִרְחֹץ. וְלָסוּךְ. וּלְשַׁמֵּשׁ מִטָּתוֹ. וְלִנְעל אֶת הַסַּנְדָּל. וְלַעֲשׂוֹת מְלָאכָה. וְלִקְרוֹת בְּדִבְרֵי תּוֹרָה. וְלִזְקֹף אֶת הַמִּטָּה. וְלִפְרֹעַ אֶת רֹאשׁוֹ. וְלִשְׁאל שָׁלוֹם. הַכּל אַחַד עָשָׂר דָּבָר:

These are the matters forbidden to a mourner on the first day according to Scriptural Law and on the remaining [six] days according to Rabbinic Law. He is forbidden to cut his hair, launder his clothes, wash, anoint himself, engage in sexual relations, wear shoes, perform work, study the Torah, stand his bed upright, leave his head uncovered, and greet others, eleven matters in total.

וּמִנַּיִן שֶׁהָאָבֵל אָסוּר בְּתִסְפֹּרֶת. שֶׁהֲרֵי הִזְהִיר בְּנֵי אַהֲרֹן (ויקרא י ו) "רָאשֵׁיכֶם אַל תִּפְרָעוּ". מִכְלַל שֶׁכָּל הַמִּתְאַבֵּל אָסוּר לְסַפֵּר שְׂעָרוֹ אֶלָּא מְגַדֵּל פֶּרַע. וּכְשֵׁם שֶׁאָסוּר לְגַלֵּחַ שְׂעַר רֹאשׁוֹ כָּךְ אָסוּר לְגַלֵּחַ שְׂעַר זְקָנוֹ וְכָל שֵׂעָר שֶׁיֵּשׁ בּוֹ. אֶחָד הַמְגַלֵּחַ וְאֶחָד הַמִּתְגַּלֵּחַ. הָיָה מְגַלֵּחַ וְשָׁמַע שֶׁמֵּת אָבִיו מַשְׁלִים תִּגְלַחַת שְׂעָרוֹ אֶחָד הַמְגַלֵּחַ וְאֶחָד הַמִּתְגַּלֵּחַ. וְכֵן אָסוּר לְגַלֵּחַ שָׂפָה וְלִטּל צִפָּרְנָיו בִּכְלִי אֲבָל בְּשִׁנָּיו אוֹ שֶׁנּוֹטֵל צִפֹּרֶן בְּצִפֹּרֶן מֻתָּר:

Which source teaches that a mourner is forbidden to have his hair cut? Leviticus 10:6 warns the sons of Aaron: "Do not let the hair of your heads grow untended." Implied is that every mourner is forbidden to cut his hair. Instead, he lets his hair grow untended. Just as he is forbidden to cut off his hair; so, too, he is forbidden to trim his beard and any other hair on his body. This applies to cutting hair and having one's own hair cut. If he was in the midst of a haircut and he heard that his father died, he may complete the haircut. This applies to cutting hair and having one's own hair cut. Similarly, it is forbidden to cut off one's mustache or to cut one's nails with a utensil. One may, however, bite off one's nails or trim them with one's other nails.

וּמִנַּיִן שֶׁהָאָבֵל אָסוּר לְכַבֵּס בְּגָדָיו וְלִרְחֹץ גּוּפוֹ וְלָסוּךְ. שֶׁנֶּאֱמַר (שמואל ב יד ב) "הִתְאַבְּלִי נָא וְלִבְשִׁי בִגְדֵי אֵבֶל וְאַל תָּסוּכִי שֶׁמֶן". וּרְחִיצָה בִּכְלַל סִיכָה שֶׁהָרְחִיצָה קוֹדֶמֶת לְסִיכָה שֶׁנֶּאֱמַר (רות ג ג) "וְרָחַצְתְּ וָסַכְתְּ". וּכְשֵׁם שֶׁאָבֵל אָסוּר בְּכִבּוּס בְּגָדִים כָּךְ אָסוּר לִלְבּשׁ כֵּלִים לְבָנִים חֲדָשִׁים וּמְגֹהָצִין:

Which source teaches that a mourner is forbidden to launder his clothes and to wash and anoint his body: II Samuel 14:2 states: "Please conduct yourself as a mourner; please wear mourner's clothes and do not anoint yourself with oil." Washing is including in anointing oneself, for it is a preliminary step before anointing oneself as Ruth 3:3 states: "Wash and anoint yourself." Just as a mourner is forbidden to launder clothes; so, too, he is forbidden to wear new and freshly pressed white clothes.

אָסוּר לָסוּךְ מִקְצָת גּוּפוֹ כְּכָל גּוּפוֹ. וְאִם לְהַעֲבִיר אֶת הַזֻּהֲמָא מֻתָּר. וְכֵן אָסוּר בִּרְחִיצַת מִקְצָת גּוּפוֹ בְּחַמִּין. אֲבָל בְּצוֹנֵן רוֹחֵץ פָּנָיו יָדָיו וְרַגְלָיו אֲבָל לֹא כָּל גּוּפוֹ:

As it is forbidden to anoint one's entire body; so, too, it is forbidden to anoint a portion of one's body. To remove filth, however, it is permitted. Similarly, it is forbidden to wash a portion of one's body in hot water. One may, however, wash one's face, one's hands, and one's feet - but not one's entire body - in cold water.

מִנַּיִן לְאָבֵל שֶׁאָסוּר בְּתַשְׁמִישׁ הַמִּטָּה. שֶׁנֶּאֱמַר (שמואל ב יב כד) "וַיְנַחֵם דָּוִד אֵת בַּת שֶׁבַע אִשְׁתּוֹ וַיָּבֹא אֵלֶיהָ וַיִּשְׁכַּב עִמָּהּ". מִכְלַל שֶׁהָיָה אָסוּר מִקֹּדֶם. וְכֵן לֹא יִשָּׂא הָאָבֵל אִשָּׁה וְלֹא תִּנָּשֵׂא אִשָּׁה אַף עַל פִּי שֶׁאֵין מְשַׁמְּשִׁין מִטָּתָן. וּמֻתָּר לְהִתְיַחֵד עִם אִשְׁתּוֹ וְאַף עַל פִּי שֶׁהוּא אָסוּר בְּתַשְׁמִישׁ הַמִּטָּה:

Which source teaches that a mourner is forbidden to engage in sexual relations. II Samuel 12:24 states: "And David comforted his wife, Batsheva, and he came to her and lay with her." This indicates that this was forbidden beforehand. Similarly, a mourner should not marry a woman, nor should a woman marry while mourning even though they do not engage in relations. It is permitted for a mourner to remain in solitude with his wife even though he is forbidden to engage in sexual relations.

מִנַּיִן שֶׁהָאָבֵל אָסוּר בִּנְעִילַת הַסַּנְדָּל. שֶׁהֲרֵי נֶאֱמַר לִיחֶזְקֵאל (יחזקאל כד יז) "וּנְעָלֶיךָ תָּשִׂים בְּרַגְלֶיךָ". מִכְלַל שֶׁכָּל הָעָם אֲסוּרִין. הָיָה בָּא בַּדֶּרֶךְ נוֹעֵל וְהוֹלֵךְ וּכְשֶׁיִּכָּנֵס בַּמְּדִינָה חוֹלֵץ מִנְעָלָיו:

Which source teaches that a mourner is forbidden to wear shoes? Ezekiel was instructed Ezekiel 24:17: "And place your shoes on your feet." Implied is that all others are forbidden. If a person is traveling on a journey, he may wear shoes and proceed on his way. When he enters a city, he should remove his shoes.

רֶמֶז לְאָבֵל שֶׁאָסוּר בַּעֲשִׂיַּת מְלָאכָה. זֶה שֶׁנֶּאֱמַר (עמוס ח י) "וְהָפַכְתִּי חַגֵּיכֶם לְאֵבֶל" מָה חַג אָסוּר בַּעֲשִׂיַּת מְלָאכָה אַף אָבֵל אָסוּר בַּעֲשִׂיַּת מְלָאכָה. וּכְשֵׁם שֶׁהוּא אָסוּר בַּעֲשִׂיַּת מְלָאכָה כָּךְ הוּא אָסוּר לִשָּׂא וְלִתֵּן בִּסְחוֹרָה וְלֵילֵךְ מִמְּדִינָה לִמְדִינָה בִּסְחוֹרָה:

An allusion to the prohibition against a mourner performing labor can be derived from Amos 8:10: "I shall transform your festivals into mourning." Just as it is forbidden to perform work on a festival; so, too, a mourner is forbidden to perform work. And just as a mourner is forbidden to perform work; so, too, is he forbidden to engage in commercial transactions and to travel from city to city on a business trip.

כָּל שְׁלֹשָׁה יָמִים הָרִאשׁוֹנִים אָסוּר בַּעֲשִׂיַּת מְלָאכָה אֲפִלּוּ הָיָה עָנִי הַמִּתְפַּרְנֵס מִן הַצְּדָקָה. מִכָּאן וְאֵילָךְ אִם הָיָה עָנִי עוֹשֶׂה בְּצִנְעָה בְּתוֹךְ בֵּיתוֹ. וְהָאִשָּׁה טוָֹה בַּפֶּלֶךְ בְּתוֹךְ בֵּיתָה:

For the first three days, all mourners, even a poor person who derives his livelihood from charity, are forbidden to perform work. After that period, if the mourner is indigent, he may perform this work privately in his home. A woman may spin fabric on a spindle in her home.

שְׁנֵי אַחִים אוֹ שְׁנֵי שֻׁתָּפִין שֶׁהָיוּ בַּחֲנוּת אַחַת וְאֵרַע אֵבֶל לְאֶחָד מֵהֶן. נוֹעֲלִין אֶת הַחֲנוּת כָּל שִׁבְעָה:

When two brothers or two partners operate one store together and one of them is forced to mourn, the store should be closed for all seven days of mourning.

אֲפִלּוּ דְּבָרִים שֶׁמֻּתָּר לַעֲשׂוֹתָן בְּחֻלּוֹ שֶׁל מוֹעֵד אָסוּר לְאָבֵל לַעֲשׂוֹתָן בְּיָדוֹ בִּימֵי אֶבְלוֹ. אֲבָל אֲחֵרִים עוֹשִׂים לוֹ. כֵּיצַד. הָיוּ זֵיתָיו לַהֲפֹךְ וְכַדָּיו לָגוֹף וּפִשְׁתָּנוֹ לַעֲלוֹת מִן הַמִּשְׁרָה וְצַמְרוֹ מִן הַיּוֹרָה. שׂוֹכֵר אֲחֵרִים לַעֲשׂוֹת לוֹ כְּדֵי שֶׁלֹּא יֹאבְדוּ. וּמְרַבְּצִין לוֹ שָׂדֵהוּ מִשֶּׁתַּגִּיעַ עוֹנַת הַמַּיִם:

Even activities which are permitted to be performed during chol hamo'ed may not be performed by a mourner during the days of mourning. Others may, however, perform these tasks on his behalf. What is implied? If it is necessary to turn over a person's olives, put pitch on his barrels, or bring his flax up from the vat where it is soaking or his wool from the kettle where it is being dyed, he may hire someone else to perform this task on his behalf so that he will not suffer a loss. And he may have his field irrigated in the irrigation season.

הָאֲרִיסִין וְהַחֲכִירִין שֶׁלּוֹ וְהַקַּבְּלָנִין הֲרֵי אֵלּוּ יַעֲשׂוּ כְּדַרְכָּן. אֲבָל הַחַמָּרִים וְהַגַּמָּלִים בַּבְּהֵמוֹת שֶׁלּוֹ וְהַסַּפָּנִים בַּסְּפִינָה שֶׁלּוֹ הֲרֵי אֵלּוּ לֹא יַעֲשׂוּ. וְאִם הָיוּ מֻחְכָּרִים אוֹ מֻשְׂכָּרִים מִקֹּדֶם לִזְמַן קָצוּב הֲרֵי אֵלּוּ יַעֲשׂוּ:

His sharecroppers or those who hire his fields may perform work in their ordinary way. But donkey-drivers and camel-drivers who rent his animals and sailors who rent his ships should not perform work. If the animals or ships were hired out or rented out previously for a specific time, the renters may perform work.

שְׂכִיר יוֹם אֲפִלּוּ בְּעִיר אַחֶרֶת לֹא יַעֲשֶׂה לוֹ:

A worker hired by the day - even if he is located in another city - should not perform work on behalf of the mourner.

הָאָבֵל שֶׁהָיְתָה מְלֶאכֶת אֲחֵרִים בְּיָדוֹ בֵּין בְּקַבְּלָנוּת בֵּין שֶׁאֵינָהּ בְּקַבְּלָנוּת לֹא יַעֲשֶׂה. הָיְתָה מְלַאכְתּוֹ בְּיַד אֲחֵרִים. בְּבֵיתוֹ לֹא יַעֲשׂוּ בְּבַיִת אַחֵר עוֹשִׂין:

When a mourner was charged with doing tasks on behalf of others, whether as a contractor or not as a contractor, he should not do it. If his tasks were entrusted to others, they should not work on it in his home, but may work on it elsewhere.

הָיָה לוֹ דִּין עִם אָדָם אֵינוֹ תּוֹבְעוֹ כָּל שִׁבְעַת יְמֵי הָאֲבֵלוּת. וְאִם הָיָה דָּבָר אָבֵד עוֹשֶׂה שָׁלִיחַ. כָּזֶה הוֹרוּ הַגְּאוֹנִים:

If a mourner has litigation with a colleague, he should not prosecute the matter throughout the seven days of mourning. If it concerned a matter that could lead to a loss, he should appoint an agent. The Geonim ruled in this manner.

מִנַּיִן שֶׁהָאָבֵל אָסוּר בְּדִבְרֵי תּוֹרָה. שֶׁהֲרֵי נֶאֱמַר לִיחֶזְקֵאל (יחזקאל כד יז) "הֵאָנֵק דֹּם":

Which source teaches that a mourner is forbidden to speak words of Torah? Ezekiel was instructed Ezekiel 24:17: "Be silent from groaning."

אָסוּר לִקְרוֹת בַּתּוֹרָה בַּנְּבִיאִים וּבַכְּתוּבִים וְלִשְׁנוֹת בַּמִּשְׁנָה וּבַמִּדְרָשׁ וּבַהֲלָכוֹת. וְאִם הָיוּ רַבִּים צְרִיכִין לוֹ מֻתָּר וּבִלְבַד שֶׁלֹּא יַעֲמִיד תֻּרְגְּמָן אֶלָּא יִלְחשׁ לְאַחֵר בְּצִדּוֹ וְזֶה שֶׁבְּצִדּוֹ אוֹמֵר לַתֻּרְגְּמָן וְהַתֻּרְגְּמָן מַשְׁמִיעַ לָרַבִּים:

He is forbidden to read from the Torah, the Prophets, and the Holy Scriptures and to study the Mishnah, the Midrash, and the Halachot. If many require his instruction, he is permitted, provided he does not appoint a spokesman. Instead, he should whisper to the person sitting next to him. That person should relate the teachings to the spokesman and the spokesman should communicate them to the people at large.

וּמִנַּיִן שֶׁאֵין הָאָבֵל יוֹשֵׁב עַל הַמִּטָּה. שֶׁנֶּאֱמַר (שמואל ב יג לא) "וַיָּקָם הַמֶּלֶךְ וַיִּקְרַע אֶת בְּגָדָיו וַיִּשְׁכַּב אָרְצָה":

Which source teaches that a mourner should not sit on a bed? II Samuel 13:31 states: "And the king arose, rent his garments, and lay on the ground."

וְחַיָּב לִכְפּוֹת הַמִּטָּה כָּל שִׁבְעָה. וְלֹא מִטָּתוֹ בִּלְבַד הוּא כּוֹפֶה אֶלָּא כָּל הַמִּטּוֹת שֶׁיֵּשׁ לוֹ בְּתוֹךְ בֵּיתוֹ הוּא כּוֹפֶה אֲפִלּוּ עֶשֶׂר מִטּוֹת בַּעֲשָׂרָה בָּתִּים וּבְעֶשֶׂר עֲיָרוֹת חַיָּב לִכְפּוֹת אֶת כֻּלָּן. וַאֲפִלּוּ חֲמִשָּׁה אַחִים וּמֵת אֶחָד מֵהֶן כֻּלָּן כּוֹפִין אֶת מִטּוֹתֵיהֶן. הַמִּטָּה הַמְיֻחֶדֶת לְכֵלִים אוֹ לְמָעוֹת אֵינוֹ צָרִיךְ לִכְפּוֹתָהּ. דַּרְגָּשׁ אֵינוֹ צָרִיךְ לִכְפּוֹתוֹ אֶלָּא מַתִּיר אֶת קַרְבִּיטָיו וְהוּא נוֹפֵל מֵאֵלָיו. מִטָּה שֶׁנַּקְלִיטֶיהָ יוֹצְאִין מִמֶּנָּה שֶׁהֲרֵי אִי אֶפְשָׁר לְהָפְכָהּ זוֹקְפָהּ וְדַיּוֹ. הָפַךְ כָּל מִטּוֹתָיו וְהָיָה הוּא יָשֵׁן עַל גַּבֵּי מִטּוֹת אֲחֵרִים אוֹ עַל גַּבֵּי כִּסֵּא אוֹ עַל גַּבֵּי אָרוֹן אוֹ עַל גַּבֵּי קַרְקַע לֹא יָצָא יְדֵי חוֹבָתוֹ אֶלָּא יָשֵׁן עַל גַּבֵּי הַמִּטָּה הַכְּפוּיָה:

A mourner is obligated to overturn his bed for all seven days of mourning. This applies not only to his own bed. Instead, he must overturn all the beds he has in his house. Moreover, even if he has ten beds in ten homes in ten cities, he is obligated to overturn all of them. Even if there are five brothers and one of them dies, all the remainder must overturn their beds. When a bed is set aside to be used for money or for utensils, it need not be overturned. Similarly, a dargesh need not be overturned. Instead, the straps should be released and the bed allowed to fall. When bed posts emerge from a bed and so it is impossible to turn it over, he should turn it on its side while upright; this is sufficient. If a person turned all his own beds over, but slept on beds belonging to others, on a chair, on a chest, or on the ground, he does not fulfill his obligation. Instead, he must sleep on the overturned bed.

מִנַּיִן לְאָבֵל שֶׁאָסוּר בִּפְרִיעַת הָרֹאשׁ. שֶׁהֲרֵי נֶאֱמַר לִיחֶזְקֵאל (יחזקאל כד יז) "לֹא תַעְטֶה עַל שָׂפָם" מִכְלַל שֶׁשְּׁאָר הָאֲבֵלִים חַיָּבִין בַּעֲטִיפַת הָרֹאשׁ. וְהַסּוּדָר שֶׁמְּכַסֶּה בּוֹ רֹאשׁוֹ עוֹטֶה מִמִּקְצָתוֹ מְעַט עַל פִּיו. שֶׁנֶּאֱמַר (ויקרא יג מה) "וְעַל שָׂפָם יַעְטֶה" וְאוּנְקְלוֹס תִּרְגֵּם כַּאֲבֵלָא יִתְעַטֵּף:

Which source teaches that a mourner is forbidden to uncover his head? Ezekiel was instructed Ezekiel 24:17: "Do not veil your face until the lips." Implied is that others are obligated to cover their heads. He should use the sash with which he covers his head and wind a portion of it over his mouth slightly. In this vein, Onkelos renders Leviticus 13:45: "He should veil his face until his lips," as "He should cover himself like a mourner."

וּמִנַּיִן שֶׁהָאָבֵל אָסוּר בִּשְׁאֵלַת שָׁלוֹם. שֶׁנֶּאֱמַר (יחזקאל כד יז) "הֵאָנֵק דֹּם". כָּל שְׁלֹשָׁה יָמִים הָרִאשׁוֹנִים מִי שֶׁנָּתַן לוֹ שָׁלוֹם אֵין מַחְזִיר לוֹ אֶלָּא מוֹדִיעוֹ שֶׁהוּא אָבֵל. וּמִשְּׁלֹשָׁה וְעַד שִׁבְעָה מִי שֶׁשָּׁאַל בִּשְׁלוֹמוֹ מַחְזִיר לוֹ שָׁלוֹם. וּמִשִּׁבְעָה וְעַד שְׁלֹשִׁים שׁוֹאֵל בִּשְׁלוֹם אֲחֵרִים אֲבָל אֲחֵרִים אֵין שׁוֹאֲלִין בִּשְׁלוֹמוֹ עַד לְאַחַר שְׁלֹשִׁים. וְעַל אָבִיו וְעַל אִמּוֹ אֵין שׁוֹאֲלִין בִּשְׁלוֹמוֹ עַד לְאַחַר שְׁנֵים עָשָׂר חֹדֶשׁ. אִם בִּשְׁאֵלַת שָׁלוֹם נֶאֱסַר בְּאָבֵל קַל וָחֹמֶר שֶׁהוּא אָסוּר לְהַרְבּוֹת דְּבָרִים וְלִשְׂחוֹק שֶׁנֶּאֱמַר דֹּם. וְלֹא יֶאֱחֹז תִּינוֹק בְּיָדוֹ שֶׁלֹּא יְבִיאֶנּוּ לִידֵי שְׂחוֹק. וְלֹא יִכָּנֵס לִמְקוֹם שִׂמְחָה כְּגוֹן בָּתֵּי הַמִּשְׁתָּאוֹת וְכַיּוֹצֵא בָּהֶן:

Which source teaches that a mourner is forbidden to exchange greetings with colleagues? Ezekiel was instructed: "Be silent from groaning." For the entire first three days, if someone greets him, he does not respond with greetings. Instead, he notifies him that he is a mourner. From the third day until the seventh, when a person greets him, he should respond with greetings. From the seventh until the thirtieth day, he may greet others, but others should not greet him until after thirty days have passed. And when he is in mourning for his father or mother, he should not be greeted until after twelve months. If he is forbidden to greet a colleague during the mourning period, one can certainly infer that he is forbidden to engage in lengthy talk and frivolity, as implied by the instruction: "Be silent." He should not hold an infant in his arms so that he will not lead him to laughter. And he should not enter a place of celebration, e.g., a feasting hall or the like.