Marriage Chapter 15

הָאִשָׁה שֶׁהִרְשַׁת אֶת בַּעִלָהּ אַחַר הַנִּשּׂוּאִין שֶׁיִּמְנַע עוֹנָתָהּ הֲרֵי זֶה מֻתָּר. בַּמֶּה דְּבָרִים אֲמוּרִים בְּשֶׁהָיוּ לוֹ בָּנִים שֶׁכְּבָר קִיֵּם מִצְוַת פְּרִיָּה וּרְבִיָּה אֲבָל לֹא קִיֵּם חַיָּב לִבְעל בְּכָל עוֹנָה עַד שֶׁיִּהְיוּ לוֹ בָּנִים. מִפְּנֵי שֶׁהִיא מִצְוַת עֲשֵׂה שֶׁל תּוֹרָה שֶׁנֶּאֱמַר (בראשית א כב) "פְּרוּ וּרְבוּ":

It is permissible for a woman to authorize her husband to ignore her conjugal rights. When does this apply? When he has children already and has fulfilled the mitzvah to be fruitful and multiply. If, however, he has not fulfilled the mitzvah of being fruitful and multiplying, he is obligated to engage in sexual relations whenever his conjugal duties require, until he fathers children. For this is a positive commandment of the Torah, as [Genesis 1:28] states: "Be fruitful and multiply."

הָאִישׁ מְצֻוֶּה עַל פְּרִיָּה וּרְבִיָּה אֲבָל לֹא הָאִשָּׁה. וְאֵימָתַי הָאִישׁ נִתְחַיֵּב בְּמִצְוָה זוֹ מִבֶּן שְׁבַע עֶשְׂרֵה. וְכֵיוָן שֶׁעָבְרוּ עֶשְׂרִים שָׁנָה וְלֹא נָשָׂא אִשָּׁה הֲרֵי זֶה עוֹבֵר וּמְבַטֵּל מִצְוַת עֲשֵׂה. וְאִם הָיָה עוֹסֵק בַּתּוֹרָה וְטָרוּד בָּהּ וְהָיָה מִתְיָרֵא מִלִּשָּׂא אִשָּׁה כְּדֵי שֶׁלֹּא יִטְרַח בִּמְזוֹנוֹת בַּעֲבוּר אִשְׁתּוֹ וְיִבָּטֵל מִן הַתּוֹרָה הֲרֵי זֶה מֻתָּר לְהִתְאַחֵר. שֶׁהָעוֹסֵק בְּמִצְוָה פָּטוּר מִן הַמִּצְוָה וְכָל שֶׁכֵּן בְּתַלְמוּד תּוֹרָה:

Men are obligated in procreation (periyya u-reviyya), but not women. When is a man obligated in this mitzva? From the age of seventeen. Once he reaches [the age of] twenty years and has not married, he has transgressed and neglected a positive commandment. However, if he is involved in Torah and engrossed in it, and he fears that if he marries, he will have to busy himself with supporting a wife and thereby come to neglect Torah study, then it is permissible for him to delay [marriage]; for one who is involved in a mitzva is exempt from another mitzva – all the more so regarding Torah study.

מִי שֶׁחָשְׁקָה נַפְשׁוֹ בַּתּוֹרָה תָּמִיד וְשׁוֹגֶה בָּהּ כְּבֶן עֲזַאי וְדָבֵק בָּהּ כָּל יָמָיו וְלֹא נָשָׂא אִשָּׁה אֵין בְּיָדוֹ עָוֹן. וְהוּא שֶׁלֹּא יִהְיֶה יִצְרוֹ מִתְגַּבֵּר עָלָיו. אֲבָל אִם הָיָה יִצְרוֹ מִתְגַּבֵּר עָלָיו חַיָּב לִשָּׂא אִשָּׁה וַאֲפִלּוּ הָיוּ לוֹ בָּנִים שֶׁמָּא יָבוֹא לִידֵי הִרְהוּר:

One who is in love with Torah and studies it and cleaves into it always, as Ben Azzai did, commits no sin thereby. That is, providing his sexual desire does not get the better of him. If it does, he is required to marry even if he already has children, in order that he not come to thoughts of sin.

כַּמָּה בָּנִים יִהְיוּ לְאִישׁ וְתִתְקַיֵּם מִצְוָה זוֹ בְּיָדוֹ. זָכָר וּנְקֵבָה. שֶׁנֶּאֱמַר (בראשית ה ב) "זָכָר וּנְקֵבָה בְּרָאָם". הָיָה הַבֵּן סָרִיס אוֹ שֶׁהָיְתָה הַבַּת אַיְלוֹנִית לֹא קִיֵּם מִצְוָה זוֹ:

How many children is it necessary for a man to have fathered to be considered to have fulfilled this mitzvah? One boy and one girl, as [implied by Genesis 5:2]: "He created them, a male and a female." If the son was a saris or the daughter an aylonit, he is not considered to have fulfilled this mitzvah.

נוֹלְדוּ לוֹ וּמֵתוּ וְהִנִּיחוּ בָּנִים הֲרֵי זֶה קִיֵּם מִצְוַת פְּרִיָּה וּרְבִיָּה. בְּנֵי בָּנִים הֲרֵי הֵם כְּבָנִים. בַּמֶּה דְּבָרִים אֲמוּרִים בְּשֶׁהָיוּ בְּנֵי הַבָּנִים זָכָר וּנְקֵבָה וְהָיוּ בָּאִים מִזָּכָר וּנְקֵבָה אַף עַל פִּי שֶׁהַזָּכָר בֶּן בִּתּוֹ וְהַנְּקֵבָה בַּת בְּנוֹ הוֹאִיל וְהֵם מִשְּׁנֵי בָּנָיו הֵן בָּאִים הֲרֵי קִיֵּם מִצְוַת פְּרִיָּה וּרְבִיָּה. אֲבָל אִם הָיוּ לוֹ בֵּן וּבַת וּמֵתוּ וְהִנִּיחַ אֶחָד מֵהֶן זָכָר וּנְקֵבָה עֲדַיִן לֹא קִיֵּם הַמִּצְוָה:

A man is considered to have fulfilled the mitzvah of being fruitful and multiplying [even when] he fathers [children] and they die, so long as [his children] have left behind children [of their own]. For grandchildren are considered to be children. When does the above apply? When the person's grandchildren are both male and female, and they are descended from a male and a female, even though the male grandchild is the son of the man's daughter, and the female grandchild is the daughter of the man's son. Since they come from two of his children, he is considered to have fulfilled the mitzvah of being fruitful and multiplying. If, however, he had a son and a daughter who both died, and [one did not leave any children, while] one left a son and a daughter, the grandfather is not considered to have fulfilled this mitzvah.

הָיוּ לוֹ בָּנִים בְּגֵיוּתוֹ וְנִתְגַּיֵּר הוּא וְהֵם הֲרֵי זֶה קִיֵּם מִצְוָה זוֹ. הָיוּ לוֹ בָּנִים וְהוּא עֶבֶד וְנִשְׁתַּחְרֵר הוּא וְהֵם לֹא קִיֵּם מִצְוַת פְּרִיָּה וּרְבִיָּה עַד שֶׁיִּוָּלֵד אַחַר שֶׁנִּשְׁתַּחְרֵר שֶׁהָעֶבֶד אֵין לוֹ יִחוּס:

When [a convert] had fathered children as a gentile, and both he and they convert, he is considered to have fulfilled this mitzvah. By contrast, a freed slave who had fathered children as a slave is not considered to have fulfilled this mitzvah, although his children were also freed. Instead, he must father children after he has been freed. [The rationale is that] a slave is not considered to have any paternal lineage.

לֹא יִשָּׂא אָדָם עֲקָרָה וּזְקֵנָה וְאַיְלוֹנִית וּקְטַנָּה שֶׁאֵינָהּ רְאוּיָה לֵילֵד אֶלָּא אִם כֵּן קִיֵּם מִצְוַת פְּרִיָּה וּרְבִיָּה אוֹ שֶׁהָיְתָה לוֹ אִשָּׁה אַחֶרֶת לִפְרוֹת וְלִרְבּוֹת מִמֶּנָּה. נָשָׂא אִשָּׁה וְשָׁהֲתָה עִמּוֹ עֶשֶׂר שָׁנִים וְלֹא יָלְדָה הֲרֵי זֶה יוֹצִיא וְיִתֵּן כְּתֻבָּה אוֹ יִשָּׂא אִשָּׁה הָרְאוּיָה לֵילֵד. וְאִם לֹא רָצָה לְהוֹצִיא כּוֹפִין אוֹתוֹ וּמַכִּין אוֹתוֹ בְּשׁוֹט עַד שֶׁיּוֹצִיא. וְאִם אָמַר אֵינִי בּוֹעֲלָהּ וַהֲרֵינִי שׁוֹכֵן עִמָּהּ בִּפְנֵי עֵדִים כְּדֵי שֶׁלֹּא אֶתְיַחֵד עִמָּהּ בֵּין שֶׁאָמְרָה הִיא בֵּין שֶׁאָמַר הוּא אֵין שׁוֹמְעִין אֶלָּא יוֹצִיא אוֹ יִשָּׂא אִשָּׁה הָרְאוּיָה לֵילֵד:

A man should not marry a barren women, an elderly woman, an aylonit or a minor who is not fit to bear a child unless he has already fulfilled the mitzvah of being fruitful and multiplying, or he has another wife with whom he can father children. When a man has married a woman and remained married to her for ten years without her bearing children, he must divorce her and pay her [the money due her by virtue of her] ketubah, or marry a woman who is fit to bear children. If he does not desire to divorce her, he should be compelled to do so; he should be beaten with a rod until he divorces her. Even when he says, "I will not engage in marital relations with her. Instead, we will dwell together with witnesses so that we will not ever be in private," regardless of whether it is he or she who offers this proposition, it is not accepted. Rather, he is required to divorce [his wife] or marry another woman who is fit to bear children.

שָׁהֲתָה עֶשֶׂר שָׁנִים וְלֹא יָלְדָה וַהֲרֵי הוּא יוֹרֶה כְּחֵץ שִׁכְבַת זֶרַע. חֶזְקַת הַחלִי מִמֶּנָּה וְתֵצֵא שֶׁלֹּא בִּכְתֻבָּה וְיֵשׁ לָהּ תּוֹסֶפֶת. לֹא תִּהְיֶה זוֹ פְּחוּתָה מֵאַיְלוֹנִית שֶׁלֹּא הִכִּיר בָּהּ שֶׁיֵּשׁ לָהּ תּוֹסֶפֶת כְּמוֹ שֶׁיִּתְבָּאֵר. וְאִם אֵינוֹ יוֹרֶה כְּחֵץ חֶזְקַת הַחלִי מִמֶּנּוּ בִּלְבַד וְיוֹצִיא וְיִתֵּן הַכְּתֻבָּה כֻּלָּהּ עִקָּר וְתוֹסֶפֶת:

When a man has lived [together with his wife] for ten years without her bearing children, and he releases semen as one shoots an arrow, it can be assumed that the affliction comes from her. Therefore, he should divorce her without paying her [the essential requirement of] the ketubah. She is, however, entitled to the additional sum [by which the ketubah was increased]. [The rationale is that] such a woman should not be judged more severely than an aylonit whose husband did not recognize her condition, who is granted the additional amount, as will be explained. If [the husband] does not [release semen] as one shoots an arrow, it can be assumed that the affliction comes from him alone. When he divorces her, he must pay her [the entire sum due her by virtue of her] ketubah: the essential requirement and the additional sum.

הוּא אוֹמֵר מִמֶּנָּה נִמְנָע הוֹלָדָה וְהִיא אוֹמֶרֶת מִמֶּנּוּ נִמְנָע מִפְּנֵי שֶׁאֵינוֹ יוֹרֶה כְּחֵץ נֶאֱמֶנֶת. וְיֵשׁ לוֹ לְהַחֲרִים סְתָם עַל מִי שֶׁטּוֹעֶנֶת דָּבָר שֶׁאֵינָהּ יוֹדַעַת בּוֹ בְּוַדַּאי וְאַחַר כָּךְ יִתֵּן כְּתֻבָּה. וְאִם אָמְרָה אֵינִי יוֹדַעַת אִם מִמֶּנִּי אִם מִמֶּנּוּ אֵין לָהּ עִקַּר כְּתֻבָּה כְּמוֹ שֶׁאָמַרְנוּ הַעֲמֵד מָמוֹן בְּחֶזְקַת בְּעָלָיו עַד שֶׁתִּטְעֹן בְּוַדַּאי שֶׁאֵינוֹ יוֹרֶה כְּחֵץ. וְלָמָּה נֶאֱמֶנֶת הִיא בְּטַעֲנָה זוֹ מִפְּנֵי שֶׁהִיא מַרְגֶּשֶׁת אִם יוֹרֶה כְּחֵץ אִם לֹא יוֹרֶה כְּחֵץ וְהוּא אֵינוֹ מַרְגִּישׁ:

[The following rules apply when there is a dispute with regard to which of the couple it is whose affliction prevents the couple from having children. The husband] claims: "It is she who cannot bear children," and she claims "He cannot conceive children, for he does not [release semen] as one shoots an arrow." Her word is accepted. He may, however, have a ban of ostracism issued conditionally against anyone who makes a claim that she does not definitely know to be true. Afterwards, he must pay her [the money due her by virtue of her] ketubah. If she says, "I do not know if the difficulty stems from me or from him," she is not entitled to the essential requirement of the ketubah, as explained. [The rationale is that] the money should stay in the possession of its owner until she makes a definite claim that he does not [release semen] as one shoots an arrow. Why is the woman's word accepted when she makes such a claim? Because she can feel whether or not he [releases semen] as one shoots an arrow, and he cannot make such a distinction.

הָאִשָּׁה שֶׁבָּאָה לִתְבֹּעַ מִבַּעְלָהּ לְגָרְשָׁהּ אַחַר עֶשֶׂר שָׁנִים מִפְּנֵי שֶׁלֹּא יָלְדָה וְהִיא אוֹמֶרֶת שֶׁאֵינוֹ יוֹרֶה כְּחֵץ שׁוֹמְעִין לָהּ. אַף עַל פִּי שֶׁאֵינָהּ מְצֻוָּה עַל פְּרִיָּה וּרְבִיָּה צְרִיכָה הִיא לְבָנִים לְזִקְנוּתָהּ. וְכוֹפִין אוֹתוֹ לְהוֹצִיא וְיִתֵּן עִקַּר כְּתֻבָּה בִּלְבַד שֶׁלֹּא כָּתַב לָהּ הַתּוֹסֶפֶת עַל מְנָת שֶׁתֵּצֵא לִרְצוֹנָהּ וְתִטּל:

When a woman demands of her husband to divorce her after ten years [of marriage], because she has not given birth, and she claims that he does not [release semen] as one shoots an arrow, her request is accepted. Although she is not commanded to fulfill the mitzvah of being fruitful and multiplying, she needs sons [to assist] her in her old age. [Therefore,] he should be compelled to divorce her. He is required to give her only the essential requirement of the ketubah. [He is not required to give her the additional amount,] because he did not promise her this additional amount with the intent that she leave him at her will and take this money.

הָלַךְ בִּסְחוֹרָה בְּתוֹךְ עֶשֶׂר שָׁנִים אוֹ שֶׁהָיָה הַבַּעַל חוֹלֶה אוֹ שֶׁהָיְתָה הִיא חוֹלָה אוֹ שֶׁהָיוּ חֲבוּשִׁין בְּבֵית הָאֲסוּרִין אֵין עוֹלֶה לָהֶן אוֹתוֹ זְמַן מִן הַמִּנְיָן:

If [a husband] travels on an [extended] business trip during these ten years, or either the husband or the wife were ill or confined in prison, [the time that the couple did not share together] is not included in the calculation [of the ten years].

הִפִּילָה מוֹנָה מִיּוֹם שֶׁהִפִּילָה. אִם הִפִּילָה וְחָזְרָה וְהִפִּילָה שָׁלֹשׁ פְּעָמִים הֻחְזְקָה לִנְפָלִים וְשֶׁמָּא לֹא זָכָה לְהִבָּנוֹת מִמֶּנָּה וְיוֹצִיא וְיִתֵּן כְּתֻבָּה:

If a woman miscarries, [the ten years are] recalculated from the day of the miscarriage. If a woman has three successive miscarriages, we can presume that she will continue to miscarry, and there is the possibility that [her husband] will not merit to have children from her. Therefore, he should divorce her, and pay her [the money due her by virtue of her] ketubah.

הוּא אוֹמֵר הִפִּילָה בְּתוֹךְ עֶשֶׂר כְּדֵי שֶׁיִּשְׁהֶה עִמָּהּ וְהִיא אוֹמֶרֶת לֹא הִפַּלְתִּי נֶאֱמֶנֶת שֶׁאֵינָהּ מַחְזֶקֶת עַצְמָהּ בַּעֲקָרוּת. הוּא אוֹמֵר הִפִּילָה שְׁנַיִם וְהִיא אוֹמֶרֶת הִפַּלְתִּי שְׁלֹשָׁה נֶאֱמֶנֶת שֶׁאֵינָהּ מַחְזֶקֶת עַצְמָהּ בְּמַפֶּלֶת וְיוֹצִיא וְיִתֵּן כְּתֻבָּה. וּבְכָל זֶה מַשְׁבִּיעָהּ שְׁבוּעַת הֶסֵּת שֶׁלֹּא הִפִּילָה אוֹ שֶׁהִפִּילָה שְׁלֹשָׁה שֶׁבְּטַעֲנָה זוֹ יִתְחַיֵּב לִתֵּן כְּתֻבָּה:

[The following rules apply when there is a difference between the information stemming from the claims of a husband and his wife.] He claims that she has miscarried within the ten years so that they can continue [their marriage], and she denies the miscarriage. [Her claim] is believed; [if it were not true,] she would not cause herself to be considered barren. If he claims that she has miscarried twice, and she claims to have miscarried three times, [her claim] is believed. [If it were not true,] she would not cause herself to be considered a woman who [continually] miscarries. [Therefore, in both instances,] he should divorce her and pay her [the money due her by virtue of her] ketubah. With regard to the above situations, he may require her to take a Rabbinic oath that she did not miscarry or that she miscarried three times. For this claim obligates him to pay her [the money due her by virtue of her] ketubah.

נִשֵּׂאת לָרִאשׁוֹן וְשָׁהֲתָה עִמּוֹ עֶשֶׂר שָׁנִים וְלֹא יָלְדָה וְהוֹצִיאָהּ מֻתֶּרֶת לְהִנָּשֵׂא לְשֵׁנִי. שָׁהֲתָה עִם הַשֵּׁנִי עֶשֶׂר שָׁנִים וְלֹא יָלְדָה לֹא תִּנָּשֵׂא לִשְׁלִישִׁי. וְאִם נִשֵּׂאת לִשְׁלִישִׁי תֵּצֵא שֶׁלֹּא בִּכְתֻבָּה אֶלָּא אִם כֵּן יֵשׁ לוֹ אִשָּׁה אַחֶרֶת אוֹ שֶׁקִּיֵּם מִצְוַת פְּרִיָּה וּרְבִיָּה:

[When a woman] marries one man, remains married to him for ten years without bearing a child and is divorced [for that reason], she is permitted to marry a second husband. If she remained married to the second husband for ten years without bearing a child, she should not marry a third husband. If she marries a third husband, she should be divorced; [he is] not [required to pay her the money due her by virtue of] her ketubah. [This applies] unless he has another wife, or he has already fulfilled the mitzvah of being fruitful and multiplying.

הָאִשָּׁה שֶׁבָּאָה לְבֵית דִּין וְאָמְרָה בַּעְלִי אֵינוֹ יָכוֹל לְשַׁמֵּשׁ כְּדֶרֶךְ כָּל הָאָרֶץ שִׁמּוּשׁ שֶׁמּוֹלִיד אוֹ שֶׁאֵינוֹ יוֹרֶה כְּחֵץ יַעֲשׂוּ הַדַּיָּנִין פְּשָׁרָה וְאוֹמְרִים לָהּ רָאוּי לִיךְ שֶׁתִּנְהֲגִי עִם בַּעְלֵךְ עַד שֶׁתִּשְׁהִי עֶשֶׂר שָׁנִים וְלֹא תּוֹלִידִי וְאַחַר כָּךְ תִּתְבְּעִי. וּמְגַלְגְּלִין עִמָּהּ בְּדָבָר זֶה וְאֵין כּוֹפִין אוֹתָהּ לֵישֵׁב וְלֹא דָּנִין אוֹתָהּ כְּדִין הַמּוֹרֶדֶת אֶלָּא מַאֲרִיכִין בְּדָבָר זֶה עַד שֶׁיַּעֲשׂוּ פְּשָׁרָה:

[The following laws apply when] a woman comes to court and claims that her husband cannot perform sexually in an ordinary way that will lead to the conception of children, or that he does not [release semen] as one shoots an arrow. The judges should try to arrange a compromise, telling the woman: "It is proper for you to conduct yourself with your husband [as follows]: Remain [married] for ten years. [If] you do not give birth, come to him with a claim at that time." We protract the negotiations of this matter with her; we do not require her to continue living with him, nor do we judge her as a woman who rebels against her husband. Instead, the dealings are prolonged until the two parties reach a compromise.

אַף עַל פִּי שֶׁקִּיֵּם אָדָם מִצְוַת פְּרִיָּה וּרְבִיָּה הֲרֵי הוּא מְצֻוֶּה מִדִּבְרֵי סוֹפְרִים שֶׁלֹּא יִבָּטֵל מִלִּפְרוֹת וְלִרְבּוֹת כָּל זְמַן שֶׁיֵּשׁ בּוֹ כֹּחַ. שֶׁכָּל הַמּוֹסִיף נֶפֶשׁ אַחַת בְּיִשְׂרָאֵל כְּאִלּוּ בָּנָה עוֹלָם. וְכֵן מִצְוַת חֲכָמִים הִיא שֶׁלֹּא יֵשֵׁב אָדָם בְּלֹא אִשָּׁה שֶׁלֹּא יָבֹא לִידֵי הִרְהוּר. וְלֹא תֵּשֵׁב אִשָּׁה בְּלֹא אִישׁ שֶׁלֹּא תֵּחָשֵׁד:

Although a man has fulfilled the mitzvah of being fruitful and multiplying, he is bound by a Rabbinic commandment not to refrain from being fruitful and multiplying as long as he is physically potent. For anyone who adds a soul to the Jewish people is considered as if he built an entire world. Similarly, it is a mitzvah of our Sages that a man should not live without a wife, so that he will not be prompted to [sexual] thoughts. Similarly, a woman should not live without a man, so that she will not be suspected [of immoral conduct].

וְחוֹבָה עַל כָּל אִישׁ לְקַנְּאוֹת לְאִשְׁתּוֹ. אָמְרוּ חֲכָמִים אֵין אָדָם מְקַנֵּא לְאִשְׁתּוֹ אֶלָּא אִם כֵּן נִכְנְסָה בּוֹ רוּחַ טָהֳרָה. וְלֹא יְקַנֵּא לָהּ בְּיוֹתֵר מִדַּאי וְלֹא יֶאֱנֹס אוֹתָהּ וְיִבְעל בְּעַל כָּרְחָהּ אֶלָּא בְּדַעְתָּהּ וּמִתּוֹךְ שִׂיחָה וְשִׂמְחָה:

It is an obligation for a man to admonish his wife. Our Sages declared: "A man will not admonish his wife unless a spirit of purity enters his being." [Nevertheless,] he should not admonish her more than necessary. [A man] should never compel [his wife] to engage in sexual relations against her will. Instead, [relations] should be with her agreement, [preceded by] conversation and a spirit of joy.

וְכֵן צִוּוּ חֲכָמִים עַל הָאִשָּׁה שֶׁתִּהְיֶה צְנוּעָה בְּתוֹךְ בֵּיתָהּ. וְלֹא תַּרְבֶּה שְׂחוֹק וְקַלּוּת רֹאשׁ בִּפְנֵי בַּעְלָהּ. וְלֹא תִּתְבַּע תַּשְׁמִישׁ הַמִּטָּה בְּפִיהָ. וְלֹא תִּהְיֶה מְדַבֶּרֶת בְּעֵסֶק זֶה. וְלֹא תִּמְנַע מִבַּעְלָהּ כְּדֵי לְצַעֲרוֹ עַד שֶׁיּוֹסִיף בְּאַהֲבָתָהּ אֶלָּא נִשְׁמַעַת לוֹ בְּכָל עֵת שֶׁיִּרְצֶה. וְתִזָּהֵר מִקְּרוֹבָיו וּבְנֵי בֵּיתוֹ כְּדֵי שֶׁלֹּא יַעֲבֹר עָלָיו רוּחַ קִנְאָה. וְתִתְרַחֵק מִן הַכִּעוּר וּמִן הַדּוֹמֶה לְכִעוּר:

Similarly, our Sages commanded a woman to conduct herself modestly at home, not to proliferate levity or frivolity before her husband, not to request intimacy verbally, nor to speak about this matter. She should not deny her husband [intimacy] to cause him anguish, so that he should increase his love for her. Instead, she should oblige him whenever he desires. She should keep her distance from his relatives and the members of his household so that he will not be provoked by jealousy and should avoid scandalous situations - indeed, any trace of scandal.

וְכֵן צִוּוּ חֲכָמִים שֶׁיִּהְיֶה אָדָם מְכַבֵּד אֶת אִשְׁתּוֹ יוֹתֵר מִגּוּפוֹ וְאוֹהֲבָהּ כְּגוּפוֹ. וְאִם יֵשׁ לוֹ מָמוֹן מַרְבֶּה בְּטוֹבָתָהּ כְּפִי מָמוֹנוֹ. וְלֹא יַטִּיל עָלֶיהָ אֵימָה יְתֵרָה. וְיִהְיֶה דִּבּוּרוֹ עִמָּהּ בְּנַחַת. וְלֹא יִהְיֶה עָצֵב וְלֹא רַגְזָן:

Thus the Sages commanded: A man should honor his wife more than himself and love her as himself. If his money abounds, according to what he can afford. He should not inspire excess fear in her, and he should speak gently with her, and be neither depressed nor hot-tempered.

וְכֵן צִוּוּ עַל הָאִשָּׁה שֶׁתִּהְיֶה מְכַבֶּדֶת אֶת בַּעְלָהּ בְּיוֹתֵר מִדַּאי וְיִהְיֶה עָלֶיהָ מוֹרָא מִמֶּנּוּ וְתַעֲשֶׂה כָּל מַעֲשֶׂיהָ עַל פִּיו. וְיִהְיֶה בְּעֵינֶיהָ כְּמוֹ שַׂר אוֹ מֶלֶךְ. מְהַלֶּכֶת בְּתַאֲוַת לִבּוֹ וּמַרְחֶקֶת כָּל מַה שֶּׁיִּשְׂנָא. וְזֶה דֶּרֶךְ בְּנוֹת יִשְׂרָאֵל וּבְנֵי יִשְׂרָאֵל הַקְּדוֹשִׁים וְהַטְּהוֹרִים בְּזִוּוּגָן. וּבִדְרָכִים אֵלּוּ יִהְיֶה יִשּׁוּבָן נָאֶה וּמְשֻׁבָּח:

Thus the Sages commanded: A woman should honor her husband too much, and have awe of him, do all of her actions according to his word. He should seem to her like a minister or king, walking in the desires of his heart, and distancing herself from what he hates. This is how holy and pure Jews behave in their marriages. These paths should be their pleasant and praiseworthy lifestyle.